When there’s nothing to say

When there’s nothing to say
Still I put pen to paper
awaiting my stroke of genius
And in this act it seems nothing is
discovered. But something is there
that will live beyond me.

Riding high along a bluff, the weather breaks when it’s not supposed to. We have food for a few more days, along our widest stretch beyond civilization. A bead of sweat wiped from my brow. I pull the camera to my eye and snap a pic, hoping it turns out. A bear is walking along the bluff, with my wheels, and for a minute I am fearful before I have the time to settle in and read the creature’s energy. We are together on the same adventure.

My body still aching in the delightful way from sleep, I am on foot. The showerhead recently shut off and raincoat I wear is a safety measure. Walking through the dark—past Fishbowl and sundog—I think how if this were summer the light would already be here. I realize I forgot to take my little gay pill. Lately, I’ve been focusing on the heart, to open it and to lead with it. I hope I continue to learn and grow, try new things, meet new people, be inspired to record my days. To be challenged in healthy life-affirming ways.

Things I want to do when the heart is open:

• Try a boxing class

• Go to more Barry’s classes

• Talk on the phone to my friends about the things they love and are passionate about

• Print and send issue № 3 of Found You Magazine

• Move to London

• Spend the entire summer on a bike. Go on another multi-week ride.

• Create just for fun. Do not second guess or attempt to perfect.

• Visit friends across Europe

• Visit Berlin

• Work in London’s publication industry

• Interview my friends